Spotting and Stopping Sexual Abuse

Child sexual abuse is an uncomfortable topic, acknowledges speaker and survivor Roberta Dolan, but given statistics that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys in the U.S. will be sexually abused by their 18th birthday - it's one that demands discussion.

On at 6:30 p.m. Dolan will give a talk at the Meriden Public Library about child sexual abuse - discussing everything from how to spot possible predatory adults, notice signs of abuse in children, talk to children about the subject in kid-friendly ways and design a family safety plan.

"We talk to the kids about fire safety - but parents don't know how to talk to their children about this," Dolan said.

Dolan, a Meriden resident, is a childhood sexual abuse survivor who retired early from her 33-year job as a special education teacher in New Britain in 2007 to focus on writing an inspirational book and lecturing on the topic of abuse. She also has a master's degree in counseling and is a health and wellness columnist for Meriden Patch.

Her work is particularly topical considering two recent molestation scandals at Penn State and Syracuse University that have garnered national attention in the last month.

Dolan's hope is that the methods she talks about can help parents stop abuse before it happens.

"Ninety percent of these children are abused by someone they know and trust -- it's not the guy in the bushes that grabs the child," Dolan said. "A pedophile gains a child's trust, really reels them in...it doesn't happen right away, generally speaking, so there is time..."

The key is for parents to pay attention to adults who lavish an unusual amount of attention on their children -- as well as teaching clear boundaries for kids and opening up lines of communication with them. "You've got to develop this family connection that it's OK to talk about those things," Dolan said.

In addition to parents, the talk is also for childcare workers, grandparents, and anyone else who deals with children, Dolan said.  

She said that some fear the topic will be too hard to hear about, but Dolan said she makes the discussion as comfortable as possible.

"We all put our heads in the sand on this," Dolan said. "But you know it happens. If we educate ourselves, we take the power away from (pedophiles)."