National Coming Out Day

I'm compelled on this National Coming Out Day to, well, come out, again. It should be no surprise to my parishioners and the friends of our church that I serve as an out gay man. I've been married to my husband for going on seven years, together for nine years this month.  

I'm not an 'in your face' activist. But I do believe in honesty. I don't announce from the pulpit every Sunday the nature of my life. I do find myself having to carefully let newcomers to our church know about my orientation; most of them have already heard, and came specifically because of the welcome my congregation extends to LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered) persons. Most importantly, I hope that I am a positive role model for young people who still see stereotypical images of LGBT persons in the media. (I promise, Darrick and I are really just as boring as everyone else...Friday nights in our house is laundry, pizza and a movie on TV.)  I never hide that I am married to Darrick, nor he to me.  

Our society has made great strides in LGBT rights over the last several years. We've recently witnessed the end of DADT (Don't Ask, Don't Tell), the odious and discriminatory law that banned proud, patriotic Americans from serving their nation with full honesty. And in several states, we enjoy legal recognition of our marriages. My denomination, the United Church of Christ, encourages and permits us to marry, allows clergy and congregations discretion to decide whether or not to preside and recognize these ceremonies.  

We have more to do, of course. At the national level, ENDA (Employment Non-Discrimination Act) has not been passed; in many states, one can still be fired from a job simply for coming out as gay. And, in most states, there are DOMA (Defence of Marriage Acts) as part of state law, or as part of state constitutions, that prohibit full legal recognition of same-sex couples (like my husband and I) who wish to be married. The Federal DOMA is still in force as well, permitting states that so wish to ignore the Full Faith and Credit clause of the U.S. Constitution to refuse to recognize our marriages. In many ways, LGBT Americans are still second-class citizens, subject to laws that are designed to prevent us from enjoying the full rights enjoyed by others.  

This is why National Coming Out Day is important. We are not the invisible other, "those gays." We are your family members. We are your grocer, your mail carrier, your pastor. We are integral members of this society, we pay taxes, we serve in the military. Some say that we are demanding 'special rights.' No, we're asking simply for equal treatment under the law. This is why it is important occasionally for me to stand up and say that I am gay. That it is an integral part of my identity. That I couldn't be straight, any more than I could be tall or have brown eyes. That in coming out, I declare that I am created in just the way that God would have me be, and that I'm not going to live the life of a lie.